Meme Time: the Fuck-t List

Wonderful Kate Harding of Shapely Prose has stumbled upon a great meme: the Fuck-t List. Because I wholeheartedly support delineating and rejecting asinine cultural rituals, here’s my non-exhaustive list of things I have no desire to do before I die that many people seem to think are awesome:

  • Marry a Nice Guy and have a white wedding
  • Try illicit drugs specifically for Cool PointsTM
  • Participate in any sort of marathon-type activity
  • Get Botox or plastic surgery
  • Climb any terrain not suited for aforementioned activity, such as Mt. Everest
  • Attend church regularly and/or “find God”
  • Dye, straighten, meticulously style, or use more than two products on my hair
  • Be considered up-to-date on all the trendiest fashions
  • Purchase a purse, jeans, or shirt costing more than $100
  • Wear heels high and uncomfortable enough to be “sexy”
  • Ride, own, or interact in any fashion with a horse
  • Diet
  • Age gracefully
  • Wear a bikini
  • Wear a thong or any lingerie with a purely decorative purpose
  • Keep my cat off furniture
  • Wear anything shorter than my mid-thigh
  • Please people who are actually assholes, no matter how important they are
  • Wax, pluck, or shave my pubic hair
  • Give up meat, coffee, fat, butter, or dessert
  • Read “classics” that everyone thinks are impressive but actually suck
  • Pretend that I don’t think that the “meat and potato” white male navel-gazing philosophers I have to read eight times aren’t  full of shit
  • Own a brand new car, or any sort of SUV
  • Really care about professional sports
  • Develop a “wine pallet”
  • Get really organized
  • Fake an orgasm
  • Have washboard abs
  • Wear makeup on a daily basis
  • Have a torrid affair with patriarchal dominant/submissive undertones
  • Listen to NPR for more than 5 minutes without being filled with RAGE
  • Apologize for my high moral standards, education and/or intelligence
  • Get over my escalator phobia
  • Become so wealthy I could hire someone to walk my dog
  • Wear tiny pants. Fuck no.
  • Wake up early for repetitive exercise
  • Purposely seek to tan my white ass by either artificial or natural means

So my small but fantastic audience, what things  would you include on your Fuck-t List?

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Posted on March 10, 2009, in Fuck Yeah, memes, what the fuck. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Wow, I love your list! The only thing I can think of right now is to go along with sexism in order to “get ahead.” No wonder I make the little, bitty bucks. You rock.

  2. Ha! Thanks. I’ve been lucky in that my workplace is run entirely by women. I’m totally serious: all of my bosses are women. The staff room has communal Midol and pads in case of accidents.

  3. I share a lot of yours.

    (I think the only ones I *DON’T* share are the ones about waking up early for exercise, climbing terrain “not suitable for such” and participating in any marathon-like activities. All the others, right there with you — though it’s not escalators so much as elevators that bug me).

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